Are you just starting out on your sexually active journey? Enjoying the ‘no strings attached’ life? Married with three adorable but very noisy children?

Regardless of what type of sex you’re having right now, have you ever sat and wondered how it could improve? If so, you’re not alone! A 2018 study of 6,000 people found that just under half (45%) of adults in the UK are unhappy with their sex life. Perhaps you’re looking to get down to business more, or maybe just feel less self-conscious between the sheets. We think a healthy and happy sex life is something to be proud of, and definitely something to actively seek. Here are 5 ways to transform your sex life…

Probably a bit cliched at this point, right? But we really can’t stress enough the importance of open and honest communication. When asked about advice for healthy and happy sex lives in our recent survey, one of our most popular responses was around the importance of communication*. It’s totally normal for two different people to have two different libidos, and sometimes they just don’t match up. It can be a bit of a mood killer AND a dent to the ego being rejected by someone you’re trying to seduce, but we’d like to think that a gentle conversation about how you’re both feeling might help alleviate such a situation. It’s vital to remember that communicating your wants/needs, likes/dislikes and advocating for yourself if you’re ever feeling uncomfortable is so important. It is our number one piece of advice for an improved sex life, and relationships in general.

It’s always going to be easier for someone else to get you off when you know what works for you. Otherwise you might find your partner fumbling around for what feels like forever with no real indication or helpful guidance of what might/might not be working! We’re not opposed to a little ‘self love’, and invite you to try it too. We think there’s something special about the idea of romancing yourself – whether that be spending time alone, standing in front of the mirror and affirming what you like about yourself or masturbation itself. Being in tune with your body and able to work out what feels good and right and sexy should improve your self-esteem and will hopefully make all the difference for the future of your sex life – both with yourself and others!

This doesn’t necessarily have to mean jumping from vanilla to the deep end of kink, but sometimes it helps a little to step out of your comfort zone and, through some trial and error, maybe find something else that you like. We must reinstate the importance of communication here, because you should only ever partake in what you’re comfortable with. Trying something new could be treating yourself to a new toy for some special solo play, adding some bondage and/or blindfolds into your session, or experimenting with power play. It could be inviting a new partner into the bedroom or giving roleplay a whirl, or it could be seeing how a new position feels. Whatever works for you and your partner(s).

We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again – intimacy is about so much more than sex! Intimacy is a really integral piece of partnership, but it’s a common misconception that it can only be achieved through sex. Intimacy can come and be improved upon by doing lots of different things – spending quality time together, kissing and cuddling, making each other laugh and having fun! We don’t doubt that once your intimacy reaches a new level, so will your sex life!

We are BIG advocates for sex being pleasure focused rather than goal driven. Frustratingly, 60% of the people we surveyed said they had faked an orgasm*. We can’t help but think how different our sex lives could be if we stopped putting quite so much onus on the destination, and instead just relaxed and enjoyed the journey. 

It turns out the Big O isn’t the be-all and end-all, after all! We think sex should be all about doing what works and feels best for you and sometimes the pressure that comes with ‘finishing’ steals everyone’s focus and, as a result, pleasure becomes less of a priority. It’s normal and sexy to just have sex because it feels good. It doesn’t always have to come with a climax, and that shouldn’t be a marker for whether or not the sexual encounter was successful. Did you have fun and enjoy yourself, regardless of whether or not you experienced an orgasm? That is success in itself.

We hope these tips give you some ideas for what you might be able to do to help improve your sex life, whether that’s with yourself or someone else. We’d also like to remind you that whatever your sex life looks like – either right now or months from now – is completely valid and should be respected. Full consent is mandatory in all sexual encounters and you deserve to feel confident, seen and sexy between the sheets.

Hana® 75µg film-coated tablets contains desogestrel and is an oral contraception for women of child bearing age to prevent pregnancy. Always read the instructions on the package leaflet carefully.

*Based on a Hana® 2022 survey of 2,000 18-54 women, trans and non-binary people living in the UK

https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2015/08/05/sex-survey-reveals-half-of-people-unhappy-with-sex-lives_n_7939598.html#:~:text=You’re%20Not%20Alone…&text=If%20you%20haven’t%20had,sex%20in%20the%20past%20month.

Hana’s Big Sex Survey Data Results

https://uk.style.yahoo.com/sex-orgasm-gap-men-women-faking-112035811.html?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvLnVrLw&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAAHX2K9NRiR2S0NjJ5X7-LQFVXmjEeQo6Dt8Vx7NHYH_8vgWCCqNKC3e7g4zaGYX_3eatkm8UUcusalLkYdtLIP7F1H0gjS7RSVLdVSg0FSRT7keSFBk-WKMduTSrVcxoy6CiaksazDiiesBISe4tDqP2ZjWIr0p1-VRYTJt2AMZQ

If you’ve ever attended a parents’ group, or logged onto a parenting forum, there’s a really good chance you’ve heard some variation on the following: “how can I be pregnant?! I’m still breastfeeding!”

Another pregnancy when you’re still getting to know your new baby might sound pretty daunting, so why are so many people adamant that it cannot happen, and how soon after birth can you get pregnant?

Not only is it entirely possible, but it’s not at all unusual. There’s a lot of other conflicting information flying around too! Do you know why some claim breastfeeding prevents pregnancy, or why others say you might be super fertile once you have a baby? Let’s clear up some of that confusion. There’s a lot you need to know about conception and contraception after childbirth.

The absence of your period (amenorrhea) doesn’t mean you aren’t fertile. Every case is different but most women will not start to ovulate again for at least 6 weeks after delivering a baby. However, some women will ovulate again as soon as 3 weeks after. If your period is back then you’ve already ovulated. So yes, you can get pregnant before your period returns. If you do get pregnant, not knowing when you’ve ovulated can make it difficult to establish a timeline of how far along you might be. 

When using natural contraception or family planning methods, pay attention to your body’s signals, including your cervical mucus, temperature and any symptoms you usually experience throughout your menstrual cycle. Especially when starting fresh after a pregnancy, your cycle can be unpredictable. You might not even recognise the signs of ovulation after giving birth.

Yes…and no. Breastfeeding can be around 98% effective at preventing pregnancy when using the lactational amenorrhea method. Once the baby reaches 6 months old, or you start to feed the baby with other foods, then breastfeeding alone is not sufficient contraception and it’s likely you will soon start to ovulate again.

The reason it works for some is down to hormones. Prolactin is a hormone that causes your body to produce milk, and it can also suppress other hormones – particularly oestrogen! Oestrogen plays an important role both in triggering and suppressing ovulation, depending on how much is produced at different times during your cycle. That’s not all though; oxytocin, which is released when breastfeeding, also suppresses those hormones. Known as “the love hormone”, oxytocin helps you to feel calm and bonded to your baby during feeds. Unfortunately, this means that pumping breast milk will not prevent pregnancy as effectively.

Amy, 28, says that following the birth of her son, she was told by a midwife to speak to her GP about contraception right away: “she told me that I could be extra fertile, which I’ve never, ever heard before. I thought you can’t get pregnant immediately after having a baby.”

After you give birth, your body is not automatically more or less fertile than before. Your next attempt to conceive may differ from the first, but not because of magical super fertility. It’s still a good idea to discuss contraception with your GP as getting pregnant immediately after giving birth might not be ideal for you, and your usual method of contraception may not be either. If you are breastfeeding, Hana is a progestogen-only pill can be used while breastfeeding.

After you’ve given birth, you might not immediately feel ready to have regular penetrative sex. Some report feeling pain during penetrative sex up to a few months after giving birth. Clear communication with your partner about how you are feeling is so important during this time, and if you or your partner have any concerns about any pain or discomfort you’re feeling, you could try speaking to your GP.

It could also help to speak to your GP if you feel ready to try for another pregnancy, particularly if it’s been under a year. It’s even more important to consult your GP about how soon you can get pregnant after a c-section (if you had one). You will likely be advised to wait 12-18 months to ensure that your scar has healed enough. This is to reduce the risk of uterine rupture, which is a tear in the wall of the uterus and is dangerous for both you and your baby.

Following pregnancy loss, you should wait until any symptoms have subsided and your period has returned. If the loss occurred due to illness or injury, you will also want to be fully recovered before attempting to conceive again. Once your miscarriage symptoms have subsided, there’s a good chance that your cycle will return to normal and you can try again straight away. Speak to your GP to be sure that you have all the information you need about your specific circumstances, particularly if you have been ill or injured.

However, you also need to think about your emotional and mental health. Pregnancy loss can be absolutely devastating. It affects as many as 1 in 4 pregnancies but we don’t really talk a lot about it. Allow yourself time to grieve, surround yourself with loved ones who can give you the support you need, and maybe even consider some counselling or therapy. Being truly ready to conceive again includes being mentally ready.

If you’re concerned about contraception following pregnancy, why not have a look at some of the other resources available on our blog? This piece on taking the pill as a new parent might help you decide what’s best for you in terms of contraception. 

Hana is a progestogen-only pill and is suitable to use while breastfeeding. You can start taking it within the first 21 days after giving birth, though if starting after 21 days it is recommended that you use a barrier method of contraception for the first 7 days. Find out if Hana is right for you by completing the checklist online, or speaking to your pharmacist. 

Hana® 75µg film-coated tablets contain desogestrel and is an oral contraception for women of child bearing age to prevent pregnancy. Always read the instructions on the package leaflet carefully.

https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/can-breastfeeding-really-prevent-pregnancy-202203022697https://kellymom.com/ages/older-infant/fertility/#fertilitylinkshttps://www.healthline.com/health/pregnancy/can-you-get-pregnant-while-breastfeeding#why-it-workshttps://www.reproductivefacts.org/news-and-publications/patient-fact-sheets-and-booklets/documents/fact-sheets-and-info-booklets/hyperprolactinemia-high-prolactin-levelshttps://www.ukmeds.co.uk/blog/are-you-more-fertile-after-having-a-babyhttps://www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/trying-for-a-baby/planning-another-pregnancy/https://www.tommys.org/baby-loss-support/pregnancy-loss-statisticshttps://www.tommys.org/baby-loss-support/miscarriage-information-and-support/trying-again-after-miscarriage

How did you learn about sex? Like, really learn – in much more detail than you received sitting through an incredibly vague and awkward Sex Ed class? If you said porn, you’re in the majority.

A survey of 2,500 university students found that 40% had turned to porn to learn more about sex as a result of lacking sex education.

Pornography (or porn) is simply the portrayal of sex or sexual activity, designed to be viewed for arousal. While it is most commonly consumed online, it can also be viewed in magazines, literature, films or as audio, pictures or art.

There seems to be quite a heavy stigma around watching porn, and debate about whether or not it is an OK thing to do. Granted, when seen by a younger audience who do not understand what it is, it could well be confusing and provide unrealistic expectations and ideals for something that requires healthy, educational contextualisation.

“Depending on the type/narrative, porn can definitely be harmful,” says Gavin, who is 32, lives in Scotland and is an avid porn viewer. “The stories in porn can be quite taboo… I’m not sure who actually has sex with the plumber they’ve just met. And on the whole they don’t show enough respect, in my opinion. It can be quite objectifying and doesn’t teach necessary lessons about how to treat people before, during and after sex.” 

Steven is a 40 year old engineer who loves heavy metal and has recently introduced porn into his sex life with his wife. “Since I started watching porn well over 20 years ago,” says Steven, “the categories and content has seemingly become much more extreme, I suppose to accommodate for the wide variety of kinks people have. It’s hardcore stuff that is far too accessible. Saying that, I do think it can be argued as a good thing, too. People have been kink-shamed and belittled for their sexual preferences for a long time, and now there’s seemingly something for everyone, so I suppose it is more inclusive.”

Amelia is 29 and lives in London. Her relationship broke down due to her partner’s use of porn. “While I think it’s fine to watch porn if that’s what you’re into,” says Amelia, “the overuse of pornographic content has become romanticised and is verging on dangerous. Porn addiction seems to be increasingly common and goes hand in hand with a decrease in the self esteem of partners like me, often pushed aside in favour of pornography.”

Like most things in life, if consumed responsibly, we think watching porn can be a healthy addition to your sex life. We’d recommend doing some research into the particular sites you’re interested in, as some have come under fire recently for improper treatment of their staff. Taking this into consideration – while also understanding that porn isn’t real life, and often doesn’t portray realistic situations – we encourage you to go forth and watch at your leisure, if you want to!

As with any industry, it’s important to make sure that everyone working in and around pornography is being treated fairly and ethically. Although there is a lot of opposition to porn, there is also a movement within the industry to ensure that everything that occurs in front of and behind the camera is done in a way that safeguards the wellbeing of performers and crew.

Yes! The term ethical porn refers to pornography or adult content shot with important variables in mind. We spoke to Ricki, who works for the ethical porn site Bellesa. “For Bellesa, ethical porn comes down to ensuring we have 100% consent in every sexual encounter,” says Ricki. “We make sure all of our performers are of legal age and we do all that we can to make sure their working environment is safe and comfortable. We let our performers choose their partners and communicate their likes and dislikes. Before filming, performers are given a rundown on any potential storylines or what might happen so they have an opportunity to voice any concerns. We think it’s these basic steps that help us create content that focuses on connection, chemistry and genuine pleasure”.

Like anything, you can get addicted to porn if you start to form an unhealthy relationship or reliance on it. If you have concerns about your relationship with pornography, we’d recommend speaking to a medical professional or a psychologist.

Watching porn can be a healthy part of anyone’s sex life.Steven often watches porn with his wife. “We’re both of the understanding that what we’re watching is more often than not fictional,” he said. “We do our best not to compare or recreate what we see in porn, and try and use it as a bit of a fun tool to help us loosen up and get in the mood!”

Porn can also have a negative impact, though. Amelia told us about how porn makes her feel: “I have really struggled with feeling like I’m in competition with the women in porn. I catch myself second guessing the way my body is moving, what my face is doing and what noises I am making rather than letting myself relax and enjoy sex as an experience. Sex isn’t always perfect – it can be silly and funny and messy and not every minute of every sexual encounter is always packed with pleasure. That’s why I think porn is unrealistic and sets a ridiculous standard for people, especially women, to try and reach.”

It’s important to remember that everyone’s body, wants and needs are completely different. What you see working for one person might not work for you – and that’s okay! It’s totally normal (and fun) to explore different things that might tickle your fancy. 

As always, we want you to stay as safe as possible. It’s important to do what makes you feel good and keep an eye on how you consume certain materials to make sure you’re sticking within the realms of what feels right and normal for you.

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/sex/news/a33162/students-watching-porn-sex-education/ / NUS survey

Hana® 75µg film-coated tablets contains desogestrel and is an oral contraception for women of child bearing age to prevent pregnancy. Always read the instructions on the package leaflet carefully.

You may have heard of the orgasm gap, but have you heard of the confidence gap? Research by Zenger Folkman in 2018 found that on average, women’s confidence in their mid 20s and 30s is lower than men’s. The good news? As women get old their confidence grows until it is equal to a man’s in their mid 40s and 50s – and actually surpasses men when they reach 60.

Does this apply to people’s sex lives? Hana® recently ran a Big Sex Survey of over 2,000 women, trans men and non-binary people to discover how this demographic feels about sex, sexual confidence and body positivity. Some of the questions we asked were around how often our respondents orgasmed from penetrative and non penetrative sex and if they felt self conscious about their bodies during sex.

When it came to orgasms, we found that 21% of 18-24 year olds orgasmed every time or regularly from penetrative sex compared to 29% of 45-54 year olds. When it came to non-penetrative sex, 52% of 18-24 year olds orgasmed every time or regularly compared to 64% of 45-54 year olds. Older women were also less likely to feel self conscious about their bodies during sex (50% of 45-54 year olds vs 58% of 18-24 year olds). 

Whilst a drop in oestrogen as you approach menopause and the vaginal dryness that can come with it may decrease your libido, our findings suggest that sexual confidence and fulfilment may actually increase as we get older. We wanted to find out more, so we spoke to a range of women in their 40s and beyond to discover whether sex over 40 is functional or fantastic.

Data from the American Medical Association in 2014 found that 85% of women over 40 are still having sex and the majority of them consider sex to be important. But what about the quality of the sex? Does sex get better with age?

“Sex can and does get better with age because you discover what works for you, try new sexual activities and sensations,” says Samantha Evans, a sexual health and pleasure expert and founder of Jo Divine. “This boosts your confidence and acceptance of your changing body shape, especially post childbirth and in menopause; your sexual needs and desires may change but you can enjoy even more pleasurable sex.” 

“Sex definitely has the potential to get better as we get older,” says Mangala Holland, a women’s sexuality coach, “but it does require making an effort and not getting complacent. As we get older we have the opportunity to know our bodies better, and also our needs and desires. There’s less focus on external appearance and seeking validation from others – unlike in our 20s, perhaps.”

Despite the idea that younger people are wilder in bed, in reality it’s older people with more life experience who have done the work on their internalised shame who are more likely to be throwing inhibition to the wind and having the best sex of their life – because they’re not held back by worrying about being judged for or embarrassed by their desires. Everyone is different and people are naturally going to enjoy and feel comfortable with different things, but it may well be time to throw away the idea that older people are less likely to experiment and explore – because that seems to be based on unfounded stereotypes rather than real lived experience.

“In my 40s I’d say I’m having the best sex ever,” says Angela Karanja, a psychologist, author and trauma coach. “I think it’s because of self-confidence, self-awareness and I’m not trying to impress anyone. I’m in the moment. Also because of intentionality, when trying and introducing new stuff I ask myself – or we ask ourselves, how will this enhance our sexual experience.”

As a society, we tend to pedestal youth and try to sell people products like moisturisers and makeup that can appear to prolong it. That being said, it’s entirely possible to continue to feel confident – or perhaps even more confident – in your body as you age. A 2023 study of 1,000 British women found that two thirds of women in their 60s and 70s feel confident in their appearance compared to around half of those in their 20s. 

“I’m more confident about my body now than when I was younger,” says Karanja. “When I came to understand how magnificent each one of us is, I embraced myself, and that psychological weight of other people’s opinions fell off. I learnt the heaviest weight anyone can carry is the weight of other people’s opinions – and this can manifest either psychologically and/or physically. Now this does in no way excuse us from looking after ourselves and making healthy choices for our bodies and lives. It means accepting that we are all different shapes and sizes and that’s ok. Being body positive to me means embracing yourself as you were meant to be, and looking after your body and mind to your best ability.”

“My relationship with my body has gotten so much better over the years, despite being in perimenopause and navigating physical symptoms,” says Holland. “I now eat for health and pleasure, whereas in my early 40s I struggled with orthorexia, punishing my body with extreme fasting to maintain my weight, which made me miserable, ungrounded and perpetuated my insecurity and anxiety. Loving my continually ageing body is an active, ongoing process. I hid my silver hair from my mid 20s onwards, but discovered so much more power and energy when I grew it out. It feels incredibly liberating to love the skin I’m in.”

It’s been said that youth is wasted on the young, but it doesn’t have to be. You don’t have to wait to feel confident in your body and have a fulfilling sex life: you have the power to shape your reality. If you’re looking for some guidance from people with more life experience then you’re in the right place: we asked our interviewees what advice they would give someone in their 20s or 30s about sex and body confidence.

“Know you and love you wholly,” says Karanja. “Discuss what you really want in your sexual life. Discuss contraception and if there’s any doubt of who’s in charge, do take charge of your contraception. Know and adore yourself so much because in that way you are more likely to enjoy sex. If you are not confident with your body, it’s unlikely you’ll be confident in the activity and unlikely to enjoy the experience. Embrace yourself as a wholesome and holistic person as well as a sexual being. Have safe sex and enjoy your moments. If you make mistakes, don’t beat yourself up. Also, don’t allow yourself to be defined by societal standards of beauty and what is perfect – be you! And do not be afraid to speak to your GP about your sexual health.”

“My advice to younger women,” says Evans, “is to look after your intimate health, discover your body by regular masturbation, enjoy regular orgasms, show partners how to play with you, be honest when you’re not enjoying sex, don’t be forced into any sexual activity you don’t like and always stop if it feels painful or uncomfortable. Painful sex is not pleasurable sex unless you’re enjoying consensual BDSM. Never fake orgasms, it helps no one. Having an orgasm isn’t the be all and end all, it’s about enjoying sex that feels pleasurable for you. Seek medical advice if you notice any abnormalities.”

We wanted to find out what women in their 40s and beyond want younger people to know about sex at this time in their lives. In short: is sex after 40 fantastic or functional?

“I want people to know that midlife can be the start of truly satisfying sex and intimacy, not the end!” says Holland. “Don’t buy into the narrative that says you’re ‘over the hill’. I have clients in their 70s who are discovering G-spot and cervix orgasms for the first time – it’s never too late!” 

“I want younger women to know sex doesn’t stop after childbirth and menopause,” Evans adds. “Often you have more freedom and privacy because children have hopefully left home. At Jo Divine, we sell sex toys and lube to many older people, our oldest customer being 93 – I really want to be like her if I reach that age!” 

Hana® 75µg film-coated tablets contains desogestrel and is an oral contraception for women of child bearing age to prevent pregnancy. Always read the instructions on the package leaflet carefully.⁣ 

It’s no secret that personal grooming can be a hairy subject – especially when it comes to body hair. Whenever they see an unshaven leg above a stiletto or a hairy armpit peeking out from a sundress, people are ready to share their opinions at a moment’s notice, sometimes quite passionately. Why is the pressure to shave so high for some people but not for others?

Let’s look at the woolly theories on why we have body hair, why it can be such a bristly subject, and why you should embrace it – regardless of whether you keep it or not.

Hair removal has been around for a long time – since the Stone Age at least. Without starting a history lecture, the ever-evolving practice of removing hair has been used to communicate youthfulness and cleanliness in some cultures, while in others body hair is seen as a sign of maturity.

You’ve seen the ads with tanned, sleek, shiny-skinned models striding confidently across a beach, desert or bathroom, razor in hand as their long legs glisten under dozens of studio lights. We’re not here to tell you it doesn’t look good, but do these ads contribute to the view of body hair as dirty and unfeminine?

It’s normal to struggle with body hair, especially during puberty. Natasha, 22, remembers feeling the pressure pile on at school: “Whenever I started getting armpit hair, that’s what I felt the most pressure to remove.“

Marie, 48, says, “I don’t shave my armpits anymore because my daughter just started getting armpit hair and I don’t want her to think she has to do it.” Puberty blues aren’t the only reason to keep your hair on. 

Erica, 30, says, “My skin reacts badly to shaving and I hate waxing. I don’t see the point of doing something I hate so that other people can be comfortable with my armpits and ankles.”

So how much body hair is normal for a woman, exactly? Despite the fine, fuzzy hair covering our bodies (known as vellus hair), we are already naturally a pretty hairless breed of mammal. Most other mammals are covered in hair, from our close relatives the chimpanzee to the (thankfully not quite as close) platypus. 

Our ancestors had a lot more of that thick, luscious body hair than we do today. We’re not 100% sure why, but there are theories. Maybe we used to spend more time in the water, maybe our ancestors were super active, or maybe it was selective mating. It might have been to help us stay cooler in the sun. Maybe it was a little bit of everything!

Hairless armpits, legs, arms, bellies, vulvas, feet, hands, and nipples might sometimes be treated as the norm, but the only parts of your body that cannot grow hair are the palms of your hands, the soles of your feet, and your lips. The absence of hair on palms and soles is thought to be an evolutionary trait to make it easier to grip things, and the reason you don’t have hairy lips is that the skin is different, being where your digestive system meets the rest of your skin (they also don’t sweat!). Barring the presence of a rare genetic disorder, those are the places where there are no hair follicles. Even people with uteruses sometimes have chest hair, and that’s normal.

Testosterone can cause hair growth but it’s not always a sign of high testosterone levels. Testosterone and oestrogen are sex hormones, and they help determine how your hair grows. This means not only where, but also the texture, thickness and colour of that hair. People who suffer from polycystic ovary syndrome might experience excess body hair but also thinning of the hair on their heads due to a higher level of testosterone. 

You might be wondering now, does oestrogen reduce body hair? Not necessarily. While some forms of hormone replacement therapy (HRT) is used to treat excessive body hair growth, there is no guarantee that it will reverse excess body hair growth.

Some people think that body hair makes you sweat more, causing body odour. But does body hair make you sweat more? Probably not. Washing – particularly around the sweat glands and pubic area – and making sure to remove dead skin along with using deodorant. These are much more effective ways of handling odours than shaving alone because it’s the sweat that smells, not the hair. Hair removal and maintenance can be a huge, time-consuming project. 

You could always spend that time working on your novel, going bouldering, dismantling the system that occasionally makes you feel like you should try a Brazilian wax – or doing literally anything else you fancy spending your time on. You can also shave your pubic hair, wax your legs or dye your armpit hair bright blue. Embracing body hair can be hard, but self-care and self-expression are important. At the end of the day, it’s your body and your personal preference that matters. 

If you’re feeling a little low on self-esteem right now, why not check out these 8 Instagram accounts to give you a confidence boost?

Hana film-coated tablets. Oral Contraception. Contains desogestrel. Read label.

https://www.verywellhealth.com/what-is-vellus-hair-dermatology-1069390https://www.healthline.com/health/hairy-palmshttps://brittreuter.com/post/hair-loss-birth-control/https://uk.news.yahoo.com/a-brief-history-of-body-1466232880136246.html

Why do you have sex? Whilst the primary function is to have children, many people like to have sex for lots of other reasons. In our recent study of over 2,000 women, trans and non binary people, we asked our respondents why they have sex. This was a multiple choice question, and 76% said they have sex because they enjoy it, 70% do it to bond with their partners, 33% do it because their partner likes it, and 29% have sex to relieve sexual frustration.

Sex can be a really enjoyable and bonding activity, but is sex healthy in other ways as well? If you want to feel extra good about yourself the next time you have sex, read on to find out more about the health benefits of physical intimacy!

When we talk about sex in this article, we are talking about consensual, safe sex. Remember that it’s your body, you are the only person who gets to decide if and when you have sex, and you are in charge of your consent. Don’t let anyone pressure or guilt you into doing anything you don’t want to do.

When you’re taught about sex as a young person, educators often like to focus on the risks of unplanned pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Whilst this information is really important, it can feel like sex education is skewed to the negative and doesn’t give the same priority to the benefits of sex.

“Sex is important to our overall well-being – whether that’s through masturbation or with a partner,” says Alice Leach, Sex and Relationship Expert for Tapdat Dating App. “Within a partnered relationship, intimacy is a key part of how we bond. It creates a close and confident relationship, keeping us connected and feeling appreciated. But what intimacy looks like is entirely personal.”

“It’s important to recognize that sex does not always need to include intercourse,”  says Karine Bedard, a Sex Positive Relationship and Empowerment Coach. “All parts of the sexual journey are beneficial when done with consent and care towards the other person. Care does not always mean gentle either; kink includes a lot of care and is often not gentle.  Go enjoy your sex life and increase your emotional well being. Just be authentic!”

What constitutes a healthy sex life looks different for different people. Some people want to have sex every day, some want it a few times a week and some want it less. In our survey, we found that in an ideal world, 50% of our respondents would like to have sex a few times a week. When asked how much sex they are having on average, 24% are doing it a few times a week and 35% are having sex a few times a month. What type of sex and the sexual activities you want to have also varies from person to person. Rather than trying to mould yourself into your idea of what a healthy sex life looks like, it’s much better for everyone to do what feels healthy and right for themselves.

It’s also important to remember that not everyone wants to have sex. People naturally vary in terms of how often they want sexual contact, and this can change with different partners and in different stages of your life. There is no ‘normal’ when it comes to libido.

So what are the health benefits of sex?

Getting enough good quality sleep is essential for healthy brain function and maintenance of your physical health. Not getting enough sleep can make you hungrier, negatively impact your memory and focus, and have a detrimental effect on your mood, as well as increase the risk of serious health conditions such as heart disease, kidney disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, stroke, obesity, and depression.

Can sex help you fall asleep? It would appear so! “Sex is the perfect antidote to restless sleep and trouble nodding off,” says Alice, “and better sleep makes for a better day tomorrow and a happier, healthier you,” says Alice.

When you orgasm, your brain releases neurotransmitters like oxytocin, prolactin and serotonin. These chemicals can help you feel satisfied, calm and relaxed – which is helpful when you’re trying to fall asleep! Oxytocin (known as the love chemical because of its role in mother-child and relational bonding) can also reduce cortisol (your body’s stress hormones) levels. Cortisol is naturally higher in the morning and falls as the day goes on, and having higher levels of cortisol at night is associated with difficulty sleeping. 

Can regular sex boost your immune system? Some studies suggest that it can. In one study, researchers found that people in romantic relationships who had sex once or twice a week had more immunoglobulin (antibodies) in their saliva. People who had sex less frequently had lower levels of immunoglobulin.  Another study found that sexual intimacy can lead to ‘partial or complete’ relief of headaches and migrains. 

“Research has shown that masturbation and sex can help to strengthen our immune system by releasing oxytocin,” says Alice. “There’s even some evidence to show that men who masturbate to ejaculate benefit from boosts to their white blood cell count. It’s basically doctor-recommended!” 

Other studies have found that men who frequently ejaculate could be protected against prostate cancer. Research from the National Cancer Institute found that men who ejaculated  21 times per month or more were a third less likely to develop prostate cancer compared to men who ejaculated between four and seven times a month. This seems to include all methods of reaching ejaculation, so masturbation would be enough to reap the benefits. 

Of course, physical intimacy with other people can come with it’s own health risks – from sexually transmitted infections (STIs) to the flu. We recommend using a condom if you don’t know your partner’s STI status, and maybe not snogging someone if they have a bad cough.

“Now more than ever, it’s important to take time to appreciate physical touch,” says Alice. “Humans are social creatures, and even the most introverted amongst us need some amount of human contact. During long periods of social separation, masturbation and self-touch can help alleviate some of that deprivation.” 

A big part of how many humans bond is through physical touch. This doesn’t just involve sex – a pleasant hug with a friend releases oxytocin, which strengthens your bond and makes you feel good. All kinds of platonic physical contact can release oxytocin, including contact with friends, family members and pets. 

“Skin to skin contact acts to reduce stress in the body and create a bond,” says Karine. “Skin to skin contact also stimulates the release of Oxytocin (the “love” hormone), Prolactin and Endorphins in the body which are connecting hormones. Often during or after sex there is an aspect of being held and feeling safe and secure. That helps the body to rebalance and allows you to breathe and calm your body. It often helps to get the Vagus Nerve back on line if we have been in a fight or flight state.” 

Non sexual intimate acts with your romantic partners can also release these feel good chemicals. “Kissing also releases oxytocin, increases blood flow, reduces pain, calms the body, and creates meaningful connections just to name a few benefits,” says Karine.

“Ok, so it’s not a marathon (for most of us), but masturbation and sex get the blood pumping,” says Alice. “It’s a small energy release that will get your body going after days of sitting on the sofa or at an office desk. And you have our permission to count it as part of your daily exercise regime. It’s a treat from you to you, with an energy boost built in.” 

Sex may not burn loads of calories, but it is physical exercise, it does get the heart racing and, if you’re having energetic sex you may well build up a sweat!

Orgasms are nice, but the pressure to have one can take the fun out of sex. “Pleasure is always a benefit,” says Karine. “When we get out of our head and connect to our body and the pleasure we feel in our body, we are able to release pent up emotions that are sometimes trapped in the body. It is also a way of getting the heart rate up, as is it a form of exercise. This is all without even having an orgasm.” 

If you can’t or don’t always reach orgasm, there are still loads of benefits to having sex – emotionally and physically. We’d be lying, however, if we said that orgasms weren’t great. “Sex without orgasm is so beneficial for so many things, but if you add in a orgasm it’s like putting the cherry on top,” Karine adds. “An orgasm increases the levels of dopamine, oxytocin, norepinephrine, and testosterone which are so good for our mental health and emotional regulation. When these chemicals are released in the body, it can improve our moods and cognition and at the same time reduce your anxiety and stress responses.” 

Sex comes with impressive health benefits, but it can also come with risks. If you don’t want to have a baby now or ever, it’s a good idea to think about your contraceptive options. Hana® is the UK’s number one best selling contraceptive pill available to buy over the pharmacy counter or online with no need for a doctor’s appointment. 

Hana® 75µg film-coated tablets contains desogestrel and is an oral contraception for women of child bearing age to prevent pregnancy. Always read the instructions on the package leaflet carefully.

https://edition.cnn.com/2018/03/01/health/health-benefits-of-sex-parallels/index.html

https://www.everydayhealth.com/sexual-health/seven-healthy-reasons-to-have-sex-right-now.aspx 

https://www.insider.com/guides/health/mental-health/benefits-of-sex 

https://www.ohsu.edu/womens-health/benefits-healthy-sex-life

https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/sex-and-health https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.2466/pr0.94.3.839-844 

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0333102413476374 

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15069045/ 

https://www.womenshealthmag.com/uk/health/sleep/a706978/benefits-of-orgasms/ 

https://www.sleepfoundation.org/physical-health/sex-sleep 

https://www.webmd.com/balance/touch-starvation

https://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/sleep-deprivation#:~:text=Sleep%20deficiency%20is%20linked%20to,adults%2C%20teens%2C%20and%20children. 

It’s been over three years since Miley Cyrus declared that virginity was a social construct. She received criticism from those who thought Miley was encouraging young women to have sex and shaming abstinence, but we think she had a very good point then and we still need to talk about it.

What is a social construct? It’s basically an idea that’s been created by society, so created by the ideas of people, rather than something with a basis in physical reality. 

What is virginity? Is it something you can ‘lose’ or ‘give’ to someone else? Why is it so sexist? Read on to find out…

Being a ‘virgin’ means not having had sex with another person. Traditionally, this definition only included vaginal sex, so oral sex, mutual masturbation, other forms of non-pentrative sex and even anal sex did not count.

Before we even getting into the misconceptions about hymens and the stigmatising, sexist concept of ‘purity’, we immediately run into problems with this definition because different people have different ideas about what counts as sex.

People who have penetrative sex – i.e. vaginal or anal sex – may consider themselves virgins even if they have engaged in other forms of non-penetrative sexual activity. People who may not have penetrative sex, such as lesbians, may have a different definition of virginity. Does that mean that a lesbian who has never had sex with a penis is still a virgin, even if she is sexually active? This definition of sex feels very heteronormative and devalues other types of sex.

Some studies suggest that men orgasm 90% of the time during penetrative sex, compared to just 50% of women. This may partly be because of this emphasis on penetrative sex as ‘real sex’, even though some estimates suggest less than 20% of women can achieve orgasm from this activity alone. Penetrative sex is often focused on the person with the penis and his experience, and ends when he achieves orgasm. Whilst times are changing and there are more pleasure positive resources out there, putting penetrative sex on a pedestal may be a hindrance to many people’s experience.

“According to the Worldwide Health Organisation (WHO), virginity is not a scientific or medical concept,” says Zoya Ali, a relationship and sex educator. “There is no medical test that can be done to check someone’s virginity. Virginity is totally a society and religion-driven concept. These social constructs can heavily influence our personal beliefs. They will continue to exist and influence the narrative of sexuality until we start talking about it and setting the record straight.” 

So virginity is a social construct. So what? Why is that a big deal?

“The obsession with associating virginity with purity is problematic because it is patriarchal and hetronormative,” says Zoya. “In some cultures, a woman’s virginity is considered the family’s pride and honour. The term “losing your virginity” adds unnecessary pressure to first-time sex. It makes it appear like you are losing a part of yourself or giving it away to someone. It perpetuates this idea that something will change after you have sex, and you will no longer be ‘pure’.” 

In many traditional societies, a woman was expected to be a virgin until her wedding day. Female virginity has been valued through much of human history, and women who engaged in sex could be shamed, blamed for bringing their families dishonour and even killed. 

There was also this expectation that a virgin with a vagina would bleed after having sex for the first time because there was an expctation that she would have had an intact hymen, which would break after having sex.

In reality, this often isn’t the case. “The hymen is a thin membrane surrounding the vaginal opening. There is a misconception that it totally covers the opening of the vagina, and an intact hymen would indicate someone is a virgin, which would break the first time someone has sex.

Think of the hymen like a curtain. It is made up of folds of tissue and comes in many different shapes and sizes, not solid tissue; otherwise, how would period blood make its way through?

The hymen can break due to many other reasons apart from penetrative sex, such as while playing sport, riding a bike or horse, or putting something in your vagina like a tampon, finger, or sex toy. Some people might simply be born without a hymen to begin with. In rare cases, it can cover the vaginal opening entirely and would need medical assistance,” says Zoya.

The pervasive belief in having an intact hymen as ‘proof’ about whether or not a woman is a virgin has led to practices like ‘virginity testing’. The WHO condemns this practice: “Virginity testing is often performed by inspecting the hymen for tears or its size of opening, and/or inserting fingers into the vagina (the “two-finger” test). Both techniques are practiced under the belief that the appearance of the female genitalia can indicate a girl’s or woman’s history of sexual activity. WHO states that there is no evidence that either method can prove whether a woman or girl has had vaginal intercourse or not.” 

In patriarchal societies where lineage was a concern, men would have motivation to try and make sure that they were the father of their wife’s children. In practice, this often led to men controlling and policing female bodies. Even today, there still exists this double standard when it comes to sex.

Generally speaking, there have been different views on male and female virginity. Whilst a female has often been expected to remain a virgin until marriage, men have often been expected to be more sexually experienced and promiscuous. Whilst this is a generalisation and things are changing in a lot of places, even today there is still this pervading idea that men are meant to want sex, enjoy sex and go after sex, whilst women who do the same are slut shamed and devalued.

“The shame and taboo often fall only on the person with the vagina, who is often subject to the expectation of saving themselves for marriage or the right one,” says Zoya. “There are constant reminders of virginity being the most important thing you can give someone. I’ve heard of menstruators not being allowed to use period products like tampons or menstrual cups because of myths that it will cause them to lose their virginity. Somehow the surveillance checks don’t apply to our counterparts who might even be celebrated for making their sexual debut into manhood.” 

This idea that ‘losing’ your virginity is such an important rite of passage for young people can lead to pressure, anxiety and some people feeling like there is something ‘wrong’ with them if they don’t want to have penetrative sex – or if they don’t want to have sex at all. 

Sex is an important part of many people’s lives, and deciding if and when to engage in sexual activity is an important decision that should feel right for the people involved – but seeing it as this massive ‘before’ and ‘after’ event which changes your life forever may not be helpful. 

The concept of ‘losing’ or ‘giving away’ your virginity suggests that by having sex you ‘lose’ something, that you give something away, and that you are not intact after, when in reality sex is just another activity that people can have as much or as little of as they want provided it is consensual and safe. Some have suggested ‘sexual debut’ as an alternative, which can encompass any type of sexual activity and suggests the person is entering the sexual world rather than giving something up. 

Do you think virginity is a social construct? Do you have any ideas for alternative definitions? Let us know!

https://schoolofsexed.org/blog-articles/2020/04/2/virginity 

https://www.who.int/news-room/detail/17-10-2018-united-nations-agencies-call-for-ban-on-virginity-testing 

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/entertainment/celebs/a28368604/miley-cyrus-virginity-social-construct/ 

https://pleasurebetter.com/orgasm-statistics/ 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5087699/

What does ‘family’ mean to you? A spouse and two and a half kids? A polyamorous thruple? A harem of cats? 

We don’t believe there is one set definition for what a family is. We believe that you should have the freedom to choose what your family dynamic looks like, with the ability for it to change throughout your life.

We recently caught up with three people, Ceri, Kirstie and Lo, about their definition of family.

As a society, it’s almost ingrained in us what a stereotypical family should look like: a spouse, kids and the perfect home/car/lifestyle to tie it all together. But let’s be honest – that isn’t everyone’s reality. Far from it, actually. When we asked Ceri, who is 31 and lives in Oxfordshire, she told us: “I never grew up with that typical family dynamic. My mum and dad split when I was really young, and she remarried a few times meaning I have 5 half siblings. I love them, but it can get a little crazy! I’m gay but, at the moment, I choose to be single and live on my own with my fur babies. I have three adorable dogs, and they take up all of my attention!”.

Lo is 25 and from London. They identify as non-binary and use they/them pronouns. They don’t live with a spouse or partner either. “I live with my friends from uni – we’ve been inseparable ever since we graduated two years ago and I wouldn’t change a thing,” says Lo. “Some of them have partners and some are single, like me. People say that friends are the family you choose for yourself, and that’s exactly how I feel.” 

Family doesn’t have to mean people you’re tied to by blood or marriage. Sometimes the families we’re born into don’t serve us. Sometimes it’s OK to pull away from those groups – hence the concept of chosen families. Everyone deserves to feel safe, supported and loved, and it shouldn’t matter who by.

Kirstie has just turned 31. She lives in the Midlands and works as a nurse for the NHS. She told us about her family of origin, and her chosen family: “I have a questionable relationship with my mum and sisters, but a great relationship with my dad. I’d say my ‘chosen’ family is just my boyfriend and I. He’s my best friend, too. We do everything together and with him I feel safe and happy. We’ve been together for a few years now, and we have a cat called Henry. But for us, that’s it.

“I suppose we have bought a house together… but in terms of standard commitments, that’s as far as we’ll go. Neither of us wants to get married or have kids. It feels pretty great to be able to make that decision so easily. I know the freedom to do whatever we want hasn’t always come easily for women.” 

The dictionary definition of family is actually ‘a group of one or more parents and their children living together as a unit’* – so does that mean you automatically but subconsciously take on one of these roles? We asked Lo and they said: “For me, no! We all take on different household roles, cooking and cleaning on a bit of a rota. The shared responsibility makes everyone’s lives so much easier.”

It’s OK to want to rebel against the misogynist ideals set for us by society and the generations that came before us. The decision not to have kids is becoming a viable option for lots of people. “Kids were never on the cards for me,” says Kirstie. “I feel lucky to have found someone with a similar opinion on children – we both want to focus on our career and ourselves rather than give up our whole lives for someone else.” 

Ceri isn’t sure about whether or not having children is in her future: “I am not sure about kids. I feel pretty indifferent although I’m sure at times in the past I’ve been more certain about wanting or not wanting them. I really like being single, and I’m not sure parenting is something I’d like to tackle alone. Like I said, three dogs are more than enough at the moment! I’m not writing off meeting someone again in the future, but they’d have to be on the same wavelength as me.” 

We asked Lo about their family of origin, too. They said: “I have a great relationship with my family – I come from parents who are still happily married nearly 30 years down the line, and I have a brother and a sister who both live at home. I love them and I love seeing them, but at the same time I love not having to live with them. I’m not sure our relationship would be as strong as it is if we all had to live under one roof – it would be a big collision of a lot of different personalities, thoughts and opinions.”

We want you to have people in your life that support you and are there for you if you need them – but that doesn’t mean you have to live with them, or even see them all that often. When we asked Ceri about her support system, she said: “My childhood felt a bit intense at times – like there were too many people in the house at once. As soon as I left home, I knew I didn’t want that. I’ve lived on my own ever since I left home, to be honest. I’m so much happier this way, controlling my own space and environment. I have incredible friends that I’m really close to and see every week, and I see my mum and siblings once or twice a month. But I know that if I ever needed anything, they’d be there for me in a heartbeat. I feel empowered by being so independent, but also safe because I’m so supported. I couldn’t ask for more.”

It’s important to do what’s best for you in every aspect of your life. It’s YOUR life, so your happiness and whatever brings you peace and support should come first. Choosing your family doesn’t have to be a big decision, and it definitely doesn’t have to be a permanent one – just whatever feels right for you, right now.   

References

*https://www.lexico.com/definition/family

Wouldn’t it be great if you could give up the gym, throw away your running shoes and replace your workout routine with loads of sex? When the sex is fast and vigorous one or both of you may end up sweating and out of breath, so the logical conclusion would be that it’s been a great workout equivalent to other forms of intense cardio. Right? 

Some people seem convinced that sex can burn anything from 100 to over 1,000 calories per session. The reality, however, may not be as extreme. So how many calories does sex burn? Let’s find out…

Your body burns calories by simply existing, because it needs energy to do the millions of little tasks that keep you functioning and alive. How many calories you burn depends on how much body fat you have, your weight, your age, your muscle mass, your gender, age, hormones and overall health. 

Your basal metabolic rate (BMR) is how many calories you burn as your body performs its essential functions, without taking exercise or physical activity into account. You can figure out what your personal BMR is by doing a bunch of maths involving your height and weight, or you can use an online calculator like this one. 

You can also burn additional calories by doing physical activity, which can be anything from walking around your house to running a marathon. The more active you are and the more intense your activity is, the more calories you burn. Your body can also burn more calories post workout – especially after high intensity activities  and strength training – as the body repairs.

The amount of calories you burn during a workout depends on the same factors as your BMR – your body weight, age, gender etc. For example, if you weigh 68 kg and you walk fast for 45 minutes, you could burn around 193 calories (the exact amount you would personally burn also depends on the other factors listed above). If you weigh 80 kg and do the same activity, you could burn around 227 calories. 

You don’t need to be doing a standard form of physical activity to burn calories – remember that you burn calories simply by existing, and any additional activity burns more on top. If you weigh 60 kg and you’re cooking for 45 minutes, you may burn around 90 calories, whilst someone of the same weight fishing for 45 minutes could burn 224 calories. You can find your own calorie calculations here.

Sex is a physical activity, so when you have sex you burn calories. The amount of calories you burn depends on a lot of factors, including the speed of the sex, the position, and your own weight, age, gender etc. 

One study in Canada found that the average amount of calories burned during ‘moderate’ sexual activity between heterosexual couples was 101 calories for men and 69 calories for women. The study concluded that sex could potentially be considered a ‘significant exercise’.

On average, men and people assigned male at birth tend to weigh more than women and people assigned female at birth, and they also tend to have larger muscle mass, which means they burn more calories.

“It’s difficult to give a calculation that will be accurate for most people as there are so many variables involved. Individual differences such as weight, age, gender, and level of fitness, combined with activity-based variables like the duration of sex and how active you are during the sex, all impact the number of calories burned,” says  sexpert Isabelle Uren. 

Isabelle wants to stress the potential negative impact obsessive calorie counting can have. Focusing on how many calories you may be burning could also take some of the enjoyment and presentness out of sex, which isn’t what anyone wants! Instead, Isabelle encourages us to focus on the other benefits of sex, such as improved mood, reduced stress, enhanced intimacy, a stronger immune system, and reduced pain.

If you do want to make your sex life more energetic, Isabelle has some tips: “There are plenty of sex positions that will get your heart pumping in more ways than one. Positions that give you a better workout will involve more movement, muscle engagement, or holding your own body weight in challenging positions include the Amazon, the wheelbarrow and anything which involves one partner standing and holding the other’s body weight.”

No matter what type of sex you’re having, it’s always better when you feel confident and comfortable with your chosen method of contraception. We know it can be hard to find a contraceptive method which works for you, and many people have to try a few different options before they settle with something that feels right.

If you’re looking to change your contraceptive method, Hana® is a progestogen-only contraceptive pill available to buy over the pharmacy counter and online with no need for a doctor’s appointment. 

https://www.calculator.net/bmr-calculator.html 

https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0079342 

https://www.calculator.net/calories-burned-calculator.html

https://www.livestrong.com/article/309453-how-many-calories-do-i-burn-a-day-by-just-existing/ 

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/weight-loss/in-depth/metabolism/art-20046508