What is porn & is watching porn normal?

How did you learn about sex? Like, really learn – in much more detail than you received sitting through an incredibly vague and awkward Sex Ed class? If you said porn, you’re in the majority.

A survey of 2,500 university students found that 40% had turned to porn to learn more about sex as a result of lacking sex education.

Pornography (or porn) is simply the portrayal of sex or sexual activity, designed to be viewed for arousal. While it is most commonly consumed online, it can also be viewed in magazines, literature, films or as audio, pictures or art.

There seems to be quite a heavy stigma around watching porn, and debate about whether or not it is an OK thing to do. Granted, when seen by a younger audience who do not understand what it is, it could well be confusing and provide unrealistic expectations and ideals for something that requires healthy, educational contextualisation.

“Depending on the type/narrative, porn can definitely be harmful,” says Gavin, who is 32, lives in Scotland and is an avid porn viewer. “The stories in porn can be quite taboo… I’m not sure who actually has sex with the plumber they’ve just met. And on the whole they don’t show enough respect, in my opinion. It can be quite objectifying and doesn’t teach necessary lessons about how to treat people before, during and after sex.” 

Steven is a 40 year old engineer who loves heavy metal and has recently introduced porn into his sex life with his wife. “Since I started watching porn well over 20 years ago,” says Steven, “the categories and content has seemingly become much more extreme, I suppose to accommodate for the wide variety of kinks people have. It’s hardcore stuff that is far too accessible. Saying that, I do think it can be argued as a good thing, too. People have been kink-shamed and belittled for their sexual preferences for a long time, and now there’s seemingly something for everyone, so I suppose it is more inclusive.”

Amelia is 29 and lives in London. Her relationship broke down due to her partner’s use of porn. “While I think it’s fine to watch porn if that’s what you’re into,” says Amelia, “the overuse of pornographic content has become romanticised and is verging on dangerous. Porn addiction seems to be increasingly common and goes hand in hand with a decrease in the self esteem of partners like me, often pushed aside in favour of pornography.”

Like most things in life, if consumed responsibly, we think watching porn can be a healthy addition to your sex life. We’d recommend doing some research into the particular sites you’re interested in, as some have come under fire recently for improper treatment of their staff. Taking this into consideration – while also understanding that porn isn’t real life, and often doesn’t portray realistic situations – we encourage you to go forth and watch at your leisure, if you want to!

As with any industry, it’s important to make sure that everyone working in and around pornography is being treated fairly and ethically. Although there is a lot of opposition to porn, there is also a movement within the industry to ensure that everything that occurs in front of and behind the camera is done in a way that safeguards the wellbeing of performers and crew.

Yes! The term ethical porn refers to pornography or adult content shot with important variables in mind. We spoke to Ricki, who works for the ethical porn site Bellesa. “For Bellesa, ethical porn comes down to ensuring we have 100% consent in every sexual encounter,” says Ricki. “We make sure all of our performers are of legal age and we do all that we can to make sure their working environment is safe and comfortable. We let our performers choose their partners and communicate their likes and dislikes. Before filming, performers are given a rundown on any potential storylines or what might happen so they have an opportunity to voice any concerns. We think it’s these basic steps that help us create content that focuses on connection, chemistry and genuine pleasure”.

Like anything, you can get addicted to porn if you start to form an unhealthy relationship or reliance on it. If you have concerns about your relationship with pornography, we’d recommend speaking to a medical professional or a psychologist.

Watching porn can be a healthy part of anyone’s sex life.Steven often watches porn with his wife. “We’re both of the understanding that what we’re watching is more often than not fictional,” he said. “We do our best not to compare or recreate what we see in porn, and try and use it as a bit of a fun tool to help us loosen up and get in the mood!”

Porn can also have a negative impact, though. Amelia told us about how porn makes her feel: “I have really struggled with feeling like I’m in competition with the women in porn. I catch myself second guessing the way my body is moving, what my face is doing and what noises I am making rather than letting myself relax and enjoy sex as an experience. Sex isn’t always perfect – it can be silly and funny and messy and not every minute of every sexual encounter is always packed with pleasure. That’s why I think porn is unrealistic and sets a ridiculous standard for people, especially women, to try and reach.”

It’s important to remember that everyone’s body, wants and needs are completely different. What you see working for one person might not work for you – and that’s okay! It’s totally normal (and fun) to explore different things that might tickle your fancy. 

As always, we want you to stay as safe as possible. It’s important to do what makes you feel good and keep an eye on how you consume certain materials to make sure you’re sticking within the realms of what feels right and normal for you.

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/sex/news/a33162/students-watching-porn-sex-education/ / NUS survey

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