Are you just starting out on your sexually active journey? Enjoying the ‘no strings attached’ life? Married with three adorable but very noisy children?
Regardless of what type of sex you’re having right now, have you ever sat and wondered how it could improve? If so, you’re not alone! A 2018 study of 6,000 people found that just under half (45%) of adults in the UK are unhappy with their sex life. Perhaps you’re looking to get down to business more, or maybe just feel less self-conscious between the sheets. We think a healthy and happy sex life is something to be proud of, and definitely something to actively seek. Here are 5 ways to transform your sex life…
1. Communication is key!
Probably a bit cliched at this point, right? But we really can’t stress enough the importance of open and honest communication. When asked about advice for healthy and happy sex lives in our recent survey, one of our most popular responses was around the importance of communication*. It’s totally normal for two different people to have two different libidos, and sometimes they just don’t match up. It can be a bit of a mood killer AND a dent to the ego being rejected by someone you’re trying to seduce, but we’d like to think that a gentle conversation about how you’re both feeling might help alleviate such a situation. It’s vital to remember that communicating your wants/needs, likes/dislikes and advocating for yourself if you’re ever feeling uncomfortable is so important. It is our number one piece of advice for an improved sex life, and relationships in general.
2. Love yourself, first
It’s always going to be easier for someone else to get you off when you know what works for you. Otherwise you might find your partner fumbling around for what feels like forever with no real indication or helpful guidance of what might/might not be working! We’re not opposed to a little ‘self love’, and invite you to try it too. We think there’s something special about the idea of romancing yourself – whether that be spending time alone, standing in front of the mirror and affirming what you like about yourself or masturbation itself. Being in tune with your body and able to work out what feels good and right and sexy should improve your self-esteem and will hopefully make all the difference for the future of your sex life – both with yourself and others!
3. Try something new
This doesn’t necessarily have to mean jumping from vanilla to the deep end of kink, but sometimes it helps a little to step out of your comfort zone and, through some trial and error, maybe find something else that you like. We must reinstate the importance of communication here, because you should only ever partake in what you’re comfortable with. Trying something new could be treating yourself to a new toy for some special solo play, adding some bondage and/or blindfolds into your session, or experimenting with power play. It could be inviting a new partner into the bedroom or giving roleplay a whirl, or it could be seeing how a new position feels. Whatever works for you and your partner(s).
4. Work on your intimacy
We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again – intimacy is about so much more than sex! Intimacy is a really integral piece of partnership, but it’s a common misconception that it can only be achieved through sex. Intimacy can come and be improved upon by doing lots of different things – spending quality time together, kissing and cuddling, making each other laugh and having fun! We don’t doubt that once your intimacy reaches a new level, so will your sex life!
5. Prioritise pleasure
We are BIG advocates for sex being pleasure focused rather than goal driven. Frustratingly, 60% of the people we surveyed said they had faked an orgasm*. We can’t help but think how different our sex lives could be if we stopped putting quite so much onus on the destination, and instead just relaxed and enjoyed the journey.
It turns out the Big O isn’t the be-all and end-all, after all! We think sex should be all about doing what works and feels best for you and sometimes the pressure that comes with ‘finishing’ steals everyone’s focus and, as a result, pleasure becomes less of a priority. It’s normal and sexy to just have sex because it feels good. It doesn’t always have to come with a climax, and that shouldn’t be a marker for whether or not the sexual encounter was successful. Did you have fun and enjoy yourself, regardless of whether or not you experienced an orgasm? That is success in itself.
We hope these tips give you some ideas for what you might be able to do to help improve your sex life, whether that’s with yourself or someone else. We’d also like to remind you that whatever your sex life looks like – either right now or months from now – is completely valid and should be respected. Full consent is mandatory in all sexual encounters and you deserve to feel confident, seen and sexy between the sheets.
Hana® 75µg film-coated tablets contains desogestrel and is an oral contraception for women of child bearing age to prevent pregnancy. Always read the instructions on the package leaflet carefully.
*Based on a Hana® 2022 survey of 2,000 18-54 women, trans and non-binary people living in the UK